HELP! MY LAPTOP IS BROKEN!

Alright, listen up! My computer/This PC/It is acting worse than usual/like a total lemon/like it’s possessed and I need to get it fixed ASAP/sort this mess out pronto/resolve this problem immediately. I tried rebooting it/I messed around with the settings/I think something's seriously wrong, but nothing seems to work/is making any difference/is h

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